I'm thankful for my family.
It's a blessing that I was raised in a home centered on Jesus and with Christian values.
Friends have stood beside me throughout this year, thanks.
To be in a place where no one is stopping me from reading the bible, I don't have to fear someone coming to threaten my life when I worship my God.
With parents who support me even when I make mistakes on accident or when I go headlong into stupidity; they still love me and want to see me succeed.
So here's the thing, I'm writing this because I feel like I haven't kept enough record of what's going on with this past year. I feel blessed with this situation as if God turned a light bulb above my head so people would look at me, and now I feel guilty that I haven't turned your attention to God. Instead I fear that I've taken it as my own spotlight: as if it was my attention to have. Well well well friends, this was never my spotlight.
A challenge would be to, whenever attention is directed your way, calling you good or someone saying good job, do the simple/cheesy thing and tell them it's not you but God in you that did the good thing.
Be like the football players who point up after they win a game, or score a touchdown.
Sorry this is so random, but I just got stuff in my brain and I wanna say it.
Think about God's love like a gift, I'm sure you've done this before but really think about it like a Christmas gift. A bunch of years ago He gave you the gift of redemption from sin to be with Him. Then maybe one day you accepted that gift and "played" with it for awhile. You enjoyed God's company and read His words and did His work. Then slowly you found other toys that looked more exciting and grabbed your attention more. You may have even gone back to that one toy, that God thing but it wasn't your favorite toy now. Is that redemption gift sitting in the corner just collecting dust?
The reason why I'm trying to convict you of this what I would say wrong is because I am guilty of it just the same. There's been plenty of times in my life when I the bible was my favorite "toy" but lately it's been just a toy I talk about. " Oh man, remember how cool this toy was back in the day?" God is not the toy of yesterday. He is still relevant, real and ready to be interacted with.
God bless your day and
Keep on living, because that's what I plan to do, and blog another day.
Friday, November 23, 2012
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Judge the Hell out of Me
Yesterday marked ELEVEN months since my lady doctor diagnosed me with Pre-B Cell ALL(Leukemia) date. After initial conversation about how the doctor knew I was sick a few tears and a lot of shock and prayer she had told me I could die in about a month. Here I stand ten0 months after a day when I could have died. To me, this is significant I know my God heals, saves, and protect those who love Him. (Rom 8:28)
I'm not trying to diminish this incredible journey I've been on or scare anyone into the idea that you could just fall over dead today but . . . earth isn't it.
Throughout my whole journey I've held on to a few things. One, that God loves me: obviously this was my center. With that being my center it led me to a place where I could see that even if death were this close to me it wouldn't matter, my faith is in God and I trust He will take care of me. If I am wrong about God, and His eternal residency for His children that love Him, then whoops? As far as I'm concerned though, I'm not wrong.
The forever life is basically impossible for me to fully understand. What I do get is that my "cancer" experience isn't much difference than the every day for all of us. I've had possibly more discomfort than some and a few, well a lot more hospital nights than most over this past year with enough blood taken out of me to feed more mosquitoes than I would ever like to see. Any and all of the discomforts and fears from this experience though just opened my eyes to the reality that this can't be the only place to "live". I do very much enjoy the YOLO train but that's because I view it more as a "take advantage of today" kind of motto. Back on track though. (See what I did there, YOLO train, back on track, tehehe.) I don't want to point out all the things in a day that could stop life here, I just want to say . . . We are called mortal for a reason. A death is a death from cancer or from a car crash or choking on steak. If you are a "christian" then stand up and act like a Christian following what His word says. I do wrong, I miss the when I'm shooting to be right, I need correction. When I am caught wronging my God show me, teach me how to right Him and I will thank you deeply.
Done preaching now I'm going to rant/ramble about what's been going on with cancer and yatta yatta whatnot. So my back hurts like crazy right now, if I take a seat or try to lay down it hurts like 10x worse. Have you ever tried typing something on a Macbook while standing up though? Without a perfectly positioned table at the right height, maybe I should go find one in my house somewhere . . . Brb.
Just kidding, we're actually going back in time to a week ago when I got my spinal tap, last Thursday my lady doctor started poking around on my spine with her finger to see where she wanted to insert the needle and I told her that it hurt, she said it was just nerves. I dunno. It feels like a nerve is being pinched between two vertah-bra's. I got some sleepy drugs after that had put on some numbing cream and gave me pain medication and forget-yo-life drugs, which I normally call drugs but I guess it's not really sleeping. I woke up and dang for the next like 24 hours that spot hurt so bad I got to see one of my best friends BLACK uncle's propose to his (now) fiancé, which was pretty rad because He's black. I'm kind of partial to darker skinned people, must be the mexican in me. It was a good pre-Thanksgiving meal with some friends and some strangers always a pleasure to be with their family though. After the 24 hours was over though I was done walking like an old man pretty much. Whatever, God heals and I keep walking. Actually walking is fine, sitting and laying down are the only uncomfortable parts (on today not last week.)
Keep on living, because that's what I plan to do, and blog another day.
I'm not trying to diminish this incredible journey I've been on or scare anyone into the idea that you could just fall over dead today but . . . earth isn't it.
Throughout my whole journey I've held on to a few things. One, that God loves me: obviously this was my center. With that being my center it led me to a place where I could see that even if death were this close to me it wouldn't matter, my faith is in God and I trust He will take care of me. If I am wrong about God, and His eternal residency for His children that love Him, then whoops? As far as I'm concerned though, I'm not wrong.
The forever life is basically impossible for me to fully understand. What I do get is that my "cancer" experience isn't much difference than the every day for all of us. I've had possibly more discomfort than some and a few, well a lot more hospital nights than most over this past year with enough blood taken out of me to feed more mosquitoes than I would ever like to see. Any and all of the discomforts and fears from this experience though just opened my eyes to the reality that this can't be the only place to "live". I do very much enjoy the YOLO train but that's because I view it more as a "take advantage of today" kind of motto. Back on track though. (See what I did there, YOLO train, back on track, tehehe.) I don't want to point out all the things in a day that could stop life here, I just want to say . . . We are called mortal for a reason. A death is a death from cancer or from a car crash or choking on steak. If you are a "christian" then stand up and act like a Christian following what His word says. I do wrong, I miss the when I'm shooting to be right, I need correction. When I am caught wronging my God show me, teach me how to right Him and I will thank you deeply.
Done preaching now I'm going to rant/ramble about what's been going on with cancer and yatta yatta whatnot. So my back hurts like crazy right now, if I take a seat or try to lay down it hurts like 10x worse. Have you ever tried typing something on a Macbook while standing up though? Without a perfectly positioned table at the right height, maybe I should go find one in my house somewhere . . . Brb.
Just kidding, we're actually going back in time to a week ago when I got my spinal tap, last Thursday my lady doctor started poking around on my spine with her finger to see where she wanted to insert the needle and I told her that it hurt, she said it was just nerves. I dunno. It feels like a nerve is being pinched between two vertah-bra's. I got some sleepy drugs after that had put on some numbing cream and gave me pain medication and forget-yo-life drugs, which I normally call drugs but I guess it's not really sleeping. I woke up and dang for the next like 24 hours that spot hurt so bad I got to see one of my best friends BLACK uncle's propose to his (now) fiancé, which was pretty rad because He's black. I'm kind of partial to darker skinned people, must be the mexican in me. It was a good pre-Thanksgiving meal with some friends and some strangers always a pleasure to be with their family though. After the 24 hours was over though I was done walking like an old man pretty much. Whatever, God heals and I keep walking. Actually walking is fine, sitting and laying down are the only uncomfortable parts (on today not last week.)
Keep on living, because that's what I plan to do, and blog another day.
One Saturday in September
I'll be writing in a linear non linear pattern today. With the the hope and head knowledge that someone will re-write this one day and fix all of my awful grammar and random sentence breaks. I just want to spew information from my brain onto you guys.
The word friend isn't something I throw around everywhere.
Usually if I call you friend you qualify with
_Helping me become stronger, physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually: just in general our relationship is beneficial to me. Also, to you. Our "friendship" has to benefit you as well, these two things must be joined together; you helping me, and me helping you.
Lean on me, when your not strong. If you do I will lean on you, when I'm not strong.
This may seem like just a random intimate fact about me but for some reason I wanted to preface the fact that basically my bestestestest friend Josh came and stayed with my family and I in Washington for a week and last night he went back to be among the Oklahomans. Last night was a weird night because I didn't go to bed knowing someone was on a bed a few feet from me. Thankfully my parents are home all day because it's Saturday and they aren't working so I do have the luxury of their presence. I am very driven by people. My mom and I discussed planning a winter retreat for our church on the ride home from Sea-Tac. She asked me "what do you want to do at this retreat?" Since I've been so weak lately, I really, truly just enjoy sitting around. I'm not strong enough to do a whole lot especially this week so I had this weak mentality in my mind. What sounds like a junk load of fun is getting a bunch of people to go hang out at some cabin in the middle of no where with snow falling outside, then sending everyone with energy out into the snow. I would be fine knowing people are near me, the people are coming back to me when they finish up their stuff, I can work on my blog, read my bible, listen to music clearly, I can do almost anything just knowing that I won't be physically alone all day and all night.
I guess that's all I have to write for this morning but I plan on writing more as the day continues as my brothers pick up the house and my parents rush around the house working on some cool programs they run at church.
(day of posting)
I never got around to adding anything more to this post so, that sucks. But since I'm here again I guess it's time for another page!
The word friend isn't something I throw around everywhere.
Usually if I call you friend you qualify with
_Helping me become stronger, physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually: just in general our relationship is beneficial to me. Also, to you. Our "friendship" has to benefit you as well, these two things must be joined together; you helping me, and me helping you.
Lean on me, when your not strong. If you do I will lean on you, when I'm not strong.
This may seem like just a random intimate fact about me but for some reason I wanted to preface the fact that basically my bestestestest friend Josh came and stayed with my family and I in Washington for a week and last night he went back to be among the Oklahomans. Last night was a weird night because I didn't go to bed knowing someone was on a bed a few feet from me. Thankfully my parents are home all day because it's Saturday and they aren't working so I do have the luxury of their presence. I am very driven by people. My mom and I discussed planning a winter retreat for our church on the ride home from Sea-Tac. She asked me "what do you want to do at this retreat?" Since I've been so weak lately, I really, truly just enjoy sitting around. I'm not strong enough to do a whole lot especially this week so I had this weak mentality in my mind. What sounds like a junk load of fun is getting a bunch of people to go hang out at some cabin in the middle of no where with snow falling outside, then sending everyone with energy out into the snow. I would be fine knowing people are near me, the people are coming back to me when they finish up their stuff, I can work on my blog, read my bible, listen to music clearly, I can do almost anything just knowing that I won't be physically alone all day and all night.
I guess that's all I have to write for this morning but I plan on writing more as the day continues as my brothers pick up the house and my parents rush around the house working on some cool programs they run at church.
(day of posting)
I never got around to adding anything more to this post so, that sucks. But since I'm here again I guess it's time for another page!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)