A, GREAT DAY?!

Phew, it's been so good today. Like I just feel so good today I can't explain it.
Probably the best I've felt on this stuff since it's all set in.
I'm weak, I'm not even really tired, just all my muscles gone so it's hard to walk around and stuff. But I had a bunch of company today and it really lifted me up. I think I've been pushing people away because I thought I didn't want people around but really, if anyone knows me, I'm an extrovert, I basically live off peoples energy, without people I'm like, frozen or something bahahaha.
I don't want to make this just like my Facebook page but I really just want to say that it's time for me to start doing stuff, since the energy is coming back it's time for me to start reading again, it's time to fill this brain with knowledge, and spread that knowledge.
At one point in my life I kind of wanted to be like a Youth Pastor or something I just don't like the idea of getting paid in a church type thing. What I'm trying to say though is, a youth pastor, or pastor, or speaker, presenter, takes quite a bit of time to prepare for a talk in front of people.

My life is what I want to be my talk in front of people, I want my life to be that speech. I want to be prepared to give my life story, my testimony to follow Jesus and how He saved me from cancer, and saved me from a fear that I haven't ever seen. I want to be able to meet people and tell them how good God is but KNOW God, and I guess I just really haven't been doing that.

Even though I've basically gotten to be a baby in this whole situation just sit around, I've done just that, I've gotten to be a baby and I've gotten lazy. I want to learn, babies take huge steps every day towards growth every day. Today my body went pretty crazy, I got some physical therapy and I moved around a bit, which is a lot better to be said than my previous days but tomorrow, it's time to take another step.

Every day I pray, is another step higher, stronger, farther.
Friends, step with me, just because I am blessed with the opportunity to essentially start over doesn't mean you can't step with me. I pray those who call me friend would move with me, stronger in their life, with their mind, with their body, with their everything. Step into God. Step Into Faith. Take a step of courage, take a step of strength.


Recommended read, Do Hard Things - Alex and Brett Harris.

P.s. Totally played drums the past three days for, 20 minutes, almost passed out every time bahaha.

Weird, no cute title today

I'm so pumped about this post.

Just a real quick update I'm feeling fantastic today. Mom's got me eating these super fibered up pruned up muffins which are sweet but actually taste good. Got everything moving if you know what I mean. I'm digging waking up the beautiful snow. One of the reasons why I like snow so much is because it reminds me of purity, and how God is pure, and like how He can just cover the world with purity, it's just, cool.

Anyways, I gotta get this out before I forget, chemo-brain, hunger, musical distraction, and my normal ADD aren't a good combination of things that help me put any sort of logical, straight thoughts onto a page.

As I was writing a message to a Dear Friend on Facebook (Tim Lott) it came to me. This is easy, because I'm just standing here "holding up my staff". I'm not totally sure why I'm holding up the staff. I want to pray about it. And read into a bit more but I'm reminded of the story in Exodus 17. Specifically verse 12 where it says that 12When Moses' hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up-one on one side, one on the other- so that his hands remained steady till sunset.


So I guess I'm saying I feel like I'm sitting here, and okay so I got tired, I got cancer and it's time for me to have a stone put under me, I'm sitting on the stone that each and every one of you placed under me so I could rest and be comfortable. Now my arms are getting tired, and here all of you are standing next to me, holding up my arms so I can continue to hold this staff up.

I don't know what I can give, but I want to give it

Every day I lose more energy, I feel more like a person but I feel weaker.
I just finished watching Abundant Life Church service on giving and I'm convicted.
What can I give when I feel like there is nothing in my body to give?
I guess what do I have is words. I have my breath, I have my knowledge. My brain is still fully active.

So what can I possibly do for you, readers? How can I give to you, in this moment of my physical weakness.
Some have said it's encouraging to know I can fight through this. Knowing this is just a battle of flesh and blood, I will come out of this with no major scars and as far as I'm concerned a pretty cool life story.

My thoughts are rumbling, as well as my stomach so this blog ends here while I seek nourishment but I'd just like to close by saying that I want you to be encouraged.

Know that this world isn't the end, so go fight the HARD fight, start an organization, go for that "raise", step out of your "comfort" zone and do the things that scare you. Naa I'm not saying jump off a cliff. I'm trying to spur you on, spur you on to do, GOOD things. Change this world.

Do you think that we got all the cool stuff we have today by doing the exact same thing say in and day out? Someone, or some people chose to be different, to do things that people thought were crazy, your parents might think your nuts, discourage you, society might try to tear you apart. Hold fast friends.
1Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up as you are already doing.


We are a brotherhood, a sisterhood, a family, united under one God, one Father, so lets make our Daddy proud and do some awesome stuff this lifetime.

Holy Jesus

I'd say that could have quite possibly been one of the most real, weird, horrifying beautiful experiences of my life.
Hold on for this story, this literally just happened and this is ACTUALLY how I responded.
Blame it on the pre-bed watching of video games, the chemo, the dehydration or watch this amazing God story un-fold and please join with me in worship.

The Dream: I was sitting laying on the couch, downstairs like normal (like most of my dreams, it's my normal life, just weird stuff happens to randomly happen.) Nothing too interesting was going on, it was Anthony sitting down, the sun was sort of up, my mom was in her chair, everything was, normal. My dad came downstairs and started talked to us. I recall having previous dreams where my dad had talked about how all this weird stuff happens in his sleep, this particular dream he had just mentioned how a snake had slept with him and it almost bit him one night which was why he was so tired. I'm freaking out, because I hate snakes, especially in my house, crawling in my bed, na-uh. "What's that pop's?" Roxy(My Black Lab) all of sun LEAPS over the couch over my legs in a full circle and it looked like she either grabbed something away or she jumping from something. I figured she was yelping from Heidi (My Mini-Dauchshaund{or the boss dog}) We all began trying to assess the situation because what just happened was nuts, my 100lb lab jumped in a FULL circle over my body, over a couch and landed totally normally. (This is where it gets fuzzy) I think she jumped over me again, and I was sure there was a snake on me she was trying to grab, I wake up.
My Awakening: In my bed I lie, still as a pole, my legs are frozen, I feel as though the covers were ripped off just from my legs and it's pitch black. As far as I was concerned a snake was in my room and something just flew over my leg and pried it away from me. I have NO IDEA what the heck happened but I was scared. Legitimately horrified something was in my room. Demon? I dunno, demons seem a bit to busy for me right now whatever the case, I awoke to fear in my legs, and thoughts in my heads. Now I'm not super scared of the supernatural because I believe God is more powerful than, well everything. First instinct, first though into my head "Oh Duh Jeff just pray and ask God to protect you." And it sounded something like "Dear God, I just ask that you would protect me right now . . . " Mid though and mid sentence it came to me. "Don't I already have an intimate relationship with this guy? Doesn't He already know, I would like want protection when I'm scared, doesn't He know my ins and outs and ups and downs, and kind of know when I'm scared. If somethings scaring me why am I asking Him to come save me if He says He'll never leave? He's already right here, He just wants interaction." BOOM, my whole brain changed. Instantly I was like sweet, it's worship time. I started saying every good thing I could about God. "Oh God you are so,  (generic uplifting "Christianese"" The words I said weren't eloquent, I was popping everything out I could, I just wanted God to be worshipped.

My Challenge: I guess this is more for, people who are already in Love with my God, and who understand a little bit of this situation so sorry for that. But I wanted to share, because well, gosh it just felt like the only two things on my mind. "Worship God, then post a blog about it" I'm not trying to bring glory to me, Please I beg of you, DO NOT READ THIS AND THINK, WOW LOOK AT HOW GOOD JEFFREY IS.
The challenge is to, worship God when things are hard. Because He knows you, and He cares for you, and He WANTS to protect you, but when you ignore Him all the time He's more prone to need a little more chatting to get Him to protect you.  My brain can't even process how to write down what I want to say so I just pray that this story would show you that, when things are hard, worship God. He is SOVERIGN, He is a JUST God, and He get's what He wants. So get on His good side, it's good stuff.

P.s. As soon as I started talking to God, I wasn't scared anymore. =]

Cancer is kind of like Sin

So here I am, sitting up at 12 o clock at night after what felt like a ridiculously long day.
For me it was long, I slept 11 hours the night before and I might have just barely grazed 8 last night with a middle of the night urine break. Anyways totally irrelevant to what I want to write about right now. I'm just trying to say that, I think I actually have something on my mind, and I think I actually want to say it, not just ramble about cancer and how I feel about cancer, this could be a good post to, read?!

My mother just gets done praying for me right before she goes to bed, like she does on most nights when I let her into the confides of my "sacred bedroom". I don't even remember what she was praying about, or what sparked it, but it came to my mind "cancer is kind of like sin."

And what if that was true, what if the cancerous cells in my body were a sign that I had let a disease, a virus, something that wasn't supposed to be in my life, get into my life, or as cancer may seem to be, less of a disease, more something that was just in my body that I didn't shut down at the right time.

I can bring all sorts of things to mind, maybe I have friends I've let grow into my life to much that are distracting me from being 100% healthy, a cancerous friend?

Maybe the "occasional" romantic eye had glanced over one two many girls and it had began to overtake my mind, and certain parts of my brain, a cancerous eye?

What does scripture say about these things? Matthew 5:29 says

If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. I'm not sure what I'd say about the friend thing but, the idea remains right? (formatting got weird here and I'm too lazy to fix it, sorry, read on please) I'm getting tired and my back can't really handle this position but I guess what I'm trying to say is that, maybe we all need a little chemo in our life. Take a moment to evaluate your life, for "cancer", cancer not of the flesh, but of the, "spirit", of the things that are inside of you, the things you do, you say, the ways you act. And if there is something, by golly eradicate that stuff. I didn't even realize how miserable I felt when I was living with cancer for, oh I guess they tell me I could have had this stuff for maybe two months max? Well, how long have you lived with a cancer in your life that is messing you up, making you sicker than you realize? And fortunately for me, they found it out, they found what was wrong with me, they found out I had this cancer, if they hadn't I could have just ended up dead, in a month? REMOVE SIN FROM YOUR LIFE BEFORE your MONTH IS OVER. SIN is more powerful than CANCER, because SIN is not just fleshly. Always remember, God is the best CHEMO. It may hurt to go through the flames, but I don't recall Him saying it would be easy. Good night friends, think on these things. I can sleep knowing these things are out there.

Another day, another Sammich

I guess this is now the time where I tell people to do something with their life. I've tried to be a pretty healthy dude for at least the past few years of my life. 

The secret to weight loss isn't the diet, it isn't the exercise, nope not the support, not the magical juice that'll heal your body. 

It's simple, just live a normal healthy lifestyle, exercise regularly, eat fresh, un-packaged items as often as possible and get that "crap" burger and fries when you get a promotion, or you win that championship game, or when you lose that game. 

What I'm trying to say is, just live balanced for crying out loud. Then maybe one day you'll contract this thing called Leukemia, get the red stuff, and the clear stuff, and whatever stuff they give you, let them shoot you up full of that stuff. Lay around for about a month, eat every 3 hours, pretty much whatever you want, watch a lot of movies. If you follow this plan perfectly and all goes well, you should lose about 20 lbs.

BUTTTT seriously, it's a good day in the life of CancerKid.

I highly recommend juicing, just fit it into your diet somehow, once a week, twice a day. I won't be all freaky about it, but like I FEEEL sooo good when I drink it. One week ago today, 6 days since my last chemo was awful, I felt horrible but I've juice twice a day since Thursday except yesterday and everything is going great. Pooping, peeing, eating, everything is functioning A okay, I'd say headaches are down. I'd say the only thing that has gotten worse since last week is, less energy, my skin feels like there's bumps all over it, which I can only assume is a sign my hair is about to fall out.

And here we go again, what the heck? I have cancer?! I'll add in another disclaimer right here. This blog doesn't have much structure, I can type a lot faster than I can write by hand and I want to be able to share this experience with anyone and everyone which is why I am posting all of my thoughts here. Today I have more energy than normal, which means less condensed thoughts, which means, this blog makes a lot less sense than it could, with less structure, but my thoughts are here.

Currently listening to Vincible, getting ready for practice right now and stoked! Here we go body, there's a show this weekend that my band was offered to play and it'd be a huge honor, I'd feel awful if I had to back down, but I'm not going to over-exert my body so we scheduled a practice to see how things go.

Sometimes guys, my Flesh Is Weak though.

Not As Easy As Yesterday

Haha, my favorite thing about this whole mess is, the roller-coaster. Dang, and what a ride I am on. I literally stop, probably once an hour and check my check myself. "Why am I laying on this couch all day?" "Oh yea, I'm fighting poison the doctors injected into me and this weird thing in my body called cancer or something."
It's a weird emotion, it's a weird feeling, It's quite the experience though.

Weird, I guess that's all I have to say for now. I've watched Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution, like the whole series, both seasons today and I guess I can't really say that I learned much but it was sort of inspirational to just watch what's going on with food in our nation and what can be done to effect our youth and the future of our society. When he finally re-did a fast food joint, it was super legit and now I'm craving burgers and fries so, here we go family time, burgers and fries prepared at home.

I am so blessed to be surrounded by my family that is helping me with this whole thing.

It's now time to watch some Comedy Sketch with Bob Smiley/Tim Hawkins and some other guy, it's nice to watch something that's not that intense, my brain is just, relaxed. =]


DRINK WATER!

So, this is easy.

Man, I'm kind of behind on this whole blogging thing. I should have started doing this like, day one.
But now that I figured my Macbook out a little bit, played with my new iPod touch, talked to a lot of people, eaten a lot of food, and digested a lot of scripture I think it's time to just get some of brain out here onto the web!
Could I get more hipster?

I posted a big chunk of the pre-cancer build-up story onto my Facebook but I wasn't getting any comments so i just figured it'd be cool to add some flare, via Blogger. =]

Onto something serious though.
This has been so easy because of everyone around me.
When I approached this monster I was horrified, I thought God would shove this mountain out of MY WAY. Unless I'm reading God wrong, He's telling me I get to walk through it, around the curves, dodge the falling snow, try not to freeze; I'm confident He's walking next to me as I fight this "huge" cancerous peak in my life. I came to the "conclusion" I was running into this fight, with God, my sword, and the defense God had given me. All my friends, family, every person praying, every thing going for me right now, it was all standing behind me supporting ME. As if I, Jeffrey was the one chosen to fight this heroic fight and everyone was called to help ME. With a little, or a lot of help from my friends I was shown Romans 12 and researched some of the spiritual gifting. I found the gift of exhortation to be one of the ones that fit me best, maybe I'm still wrong I always kind thought it was the big one, like prophecy or the big hardcore ones ya know? I'm getting distracted right now so this will conclude my slightly ADD post but, I believe my ADD is normal, and hopefully readers will understand too, sometimes I just want to write and now it's all here for you all to read. =]

I'm still figuring this out, but today's interesting "struggle" is that I'm starting to think I'm not really even the one fighting this battle, it's easy for me, this is every single one of you fighting this thing, I'm just the face. Basically, I'm here to encourage you, to use your gift in whatever way possible, I am here to excite what God has given you to use, so Glorify God with what you have, and if that means come bring a prophetic word to me, so be it.

Time to go do what babies do. =] EAT MORE FOOD!