Christ, Cancer, now College

Why hello there reader, I have a new perspective to write to you from. I am now attending a university like a good boy. It took much longer than I wanted too but I was sure not ready until now, hey I still might not be ready. Regardless of how ready I am, here I am at Northwest University studying . . . well that is still a little detail to be figured out. I knew I needed to be here, for what reason I am actually not quite sure of yet. When I was trying to decide what to do after chemo, before chemo, after high school, before high school ended, Northwest hit home. God has me for some reason I really hope I figure out what it is as school is getting harder. Studying, actually learning and replacing old blank thoughts and filling them with new, interesting, exciting thoughts is, well all of that, good. The difficult part of school for me is people, the thing I love so much is in fact the biggest challenge.
My passion is for people, the people around me are the people of NU. I love these people, every single one of them even if I do not acknowledge them all. Is it for me, is it even in me to acknowledge and actively  love them all? What does that even look like? How can one man, show love to thousands of people, individually? Is there some way I can put this love that I have, and want to express to all these people, is it showing love if I try to minimize the love that I have for every single person by projecting it to all people as a group? Am I actually minimizing the love I have for all people by investing in a few and trying to love any I encounter? I am troubled, I want to show love to them all, but I am not even sure if I can carry the burden of the few I hold "close." There are souls beyond this campus, all the lives I am not discussing life with every day, to the close ones I called best friend before school, to all those I want to meet after school, to the next 3 years and beyond of school. There are so many lives, am I loving of all people, or showing individual love, am I living like Jesus?

What did Jesus life really look like? Did He individually hug, smile at, exhort, minster to every person He saw and saw Him? Is it possible? Can I be better than Jesus? I actually will just answer that question right now, no I can not. If Jesus is the best I can get, then I need to try not to be any better than just what He did, how He lived on earth. I guess I am at a bible university, I should be studying and figuring out who He was, how He lived but, there is really so much more than what happened in the scenes depicted in the bible, we do not have the whole picture, there were so many that were not included, what about the crowds that He passed by in cities that did not get the pleasure to introduce themselves to Him. I do not plan to be as famous as Jesus, after all the whole world talks about Him, I do not think I could handle that attention when I can barely handle the limelight I receive here.  But what about all those I do not speak to in a typical day that I pass by? Obviously I am not omnipotent, I cannot be everywhere but I can interact with and try to bless every single life I meet on the street, in the Caf, or in class.

The biggest thing I am struggling with in this post is, can I love like He loved, is it possible? If it is possible to love like Him, what does that look like and then how on earth am I supposed to do that? Do I need to prayer and learn about every single person's individual walk and life to be an effective tool for the kingdom?

In this one class, we talked about not being a tool only but a partner also with Christ. How can I partner in this way? If it is a partnership, that sounds a lot easier, the whole Church is called to all people, I need to interact with His children as well as those who do not recognize Him as father. Every person I reach is another weight off someone else, as a body of believers that I join in to, we are structured to be net, to reach, to teach, to love everyone. I cannot love everyone with my hands alone. I need your help to love them, I need your love, and I plan to love you as best I can.