The Low Times

I don't have all the words today but I have a lot going on, especially in my mind.
I've fallen off my horse more this past year than I have in awhile. God is a choice and sometimes He seems like a hard one to make. I think I can honestly say He is worth it, I'm not perfect and I probably will fall off this horse a few more times but His love goes past all my failures and all the times we fall off our horse.
I wrote this a couple months back and I finally I feel like it's something maybe I should share. When I first wrote it there was no hope, but looking back at it I added in all the lines about hope, it's hard to find hope when we make mistakes but look up friends, there really is hope when we move on just a little bit.

                                                        A Whore In Sheep's Clothing
I'm broken I'm weaping, in anguish I hide from the mistakes I've made.
They haut me they chase me. My wrongs find me like an arrow they hunt me.
They seek me, my disease follows me. The pills I take cant remove my ailment.
This battle is one sided, I watch my sword fall and my shield, my walls are decimated
and I succomb to the things I hate.
I am nothing without it, it's consuming, I'm rotten from the inside out. My legs can't run; my hands are tied. If I push then I fall, if I fall I feel defeated. My feet won't help this time.
In my mind I am worthless without it. Can I find peace in it or am I doomed to decay?
This poison is too much.
                                                                     Is there hope?
I can't think, when I blink I remember.
It's cold, my heart breaks, it shatters from the weight, like a beautiful crystal I watch it become more destitute.  I am part of the great desolation.
Destiny has found me in a hole, dark as night I cry.
                                                                    Is there hope?
Suffocating, consuming, choking, I can't wash it from my mind.
The thoughts take over and I'm frozen.
Paralyzed by my mistake.
My stomach trembles as the images flash through my mind, what a horrible deed I have done.
Will I be forgiven, can I be forgiven?
                                                               There must be hope.

Thanks for reading friends, sometimes we go through struggles so we can become stronger, sometimes we make rash decisions and don't grow, please, if you feel you've ever made a mistake, and feel unworthy remember, I am unworthy of love also, even with my beautiful head of hair.